#one day i'm going to publish every day awake

[ladyknight33]

Curently a PACU RN and had 48 hr call because Right to work states have laws saying you are signing up for this shit at will, even though the job makes you take call. One weekend I worked about 43 of those 48 hours. Another I worked 21 hours without being able to clock out. May have been only one patient at a time and periods of no patients because they were in the OR. But the point was we had to be there and awake to receive the patient whenever the OR was finished.

As a floor nurse, the 12 hours can be killer. Depends on how many patients and what kind of patients and if things go to hell. Even on relative easy nights/days, you're ready for the day to end around 3 or 4 am/pm.

On the one hand there was the thought that fewer shift changes improved continuity of care.

On the other hand, companies got rid of one third of their staffing needs and related benefits.

3 days a week is okay. On days it is better than on nights. It would be more tolerable if staffing ratios actually met the patient acuity needs.

But so long as RN/PCT/CNA/Techs or any other medical professional required to do 12 hrs is seen as a COST to the company rather than the very function of the hospital service, companies will never improve working conditions. Everything is geared towards Productivity. Productivity models that were designed for Manufacturing like Toyota.

Hospitals are a service but are being run like a manufacturing plant.

Doctors, Providers, PAs, NPs.... they have their own issues. But they have a lounge or office with food and non-alcoholic beverages provided to them. A place to go that is not in the immediate view of the patients. Some are not even in the building as they are on-call. So their 12 hrs is broken up much more with sitting around and dictating care notes. Rarely do they actually do physical labor to care for a patient beyond walking to the patient's room.

Doctors, Providers, PAs, NPs..... love you, but please answer your phone and not get annoyed when I'm calling about an issue or required notification. Or at least call back in a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes it feels like an eternity.

Here's why. A nurse will have one to seven patients depending on the unit and required care. A provider will have 20-50 or more, I haven't see the lists. Sometimes they are actually with a patient. Sometimes they are asleep (nights, on-call, expectations to work the next AM).

It is a messy system and one solution won't fix everything. More staff would be fantastic. Budgets won't adjust. CEOs C-suite level management won't give up the crazy high salaries. the CEO of one not-for-profit hospital system I worked in had a published salary of $,$$$,$$$. (Do not remember the numbers, but that's how many digits). The next one down was in the 200,000s-300,000s.

Government decided to decline or reduse reimbursement for readmissions or extended stays. Getting patients out faster is cheaper, but runs a higher risk of readmissions, which reduces payments, which reduces hospital income. Hospitals in rich areas don't see much reduction, hospitals in poor areas see large reductions and may eventually close, i.e. rural small county/regional hospitals.

Surgeons and ORs make money for the hospitals. Every other floor is lucky to break even. ICUs and ERs are more likely to loose the hospital money.

There are many people in the U.S. that don't have insurance, and will never payback their hospital bill so the hospital eats it by charging even more to the insurance companies. Why is 4 tablets of Ibuprofen hundreds of dollars when you can get a bottle of 200 mg tablets for under $20?

A nation wide insurance system where everyone who pays taxes, make it a sales tax if you're so worried about illegals getting "free healthcare," would improve on the non-payment side of things.

Stop letting CEOs make thousands of times more than their average wage employee. If there is anything about the pre1980s that was good in this monetary scenario, it was the relatively closed gap between average salary and CEO salary. And that is for any company. Not for profit is just another way of a company not paying taxes and to squirrel away the not-profits(really profits) into the salaries of the highest paid levels of management. Seriously some charities/nonprofits have crazy compensation packages. For profit companies risk being even worse.

This is a very simplistic view of the state of things. Just know that staffing can be terrible but the hostpial staff is trying to do the best they can for the patients. Please have patience for them. Retail and foodservice people get it. Holidays are hard for them.... Just as influxes of patients are hard on hospital staff. I've now been both a foodservice staff and a hospital staff.

Be kind.

--- Confessions of an RN who has learned too much and is tired. why am I getting a MSN degree?

Fucking hell why are we making people in hospitals who are responsible for the health and wellbeing of everyone work 12 hour shifts with no breaks I feel like I'm going insane does no one else see the problem here??

[vanteguccir]

── ୨୧ !　𝗖𝗔𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗠𝗘?

　　　　　　　　　𝒄𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 x reader

SUMMARY: Where Y/N is a worldwide famous singer, but her favorite thing in the world is hearing Chris singing just for her.

WARNING: None.

REQUESTED?: No.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

　　　༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

When you are a world-famous singer who performs at least once a month, tours every year, models, acts, does interviews, is looked at everywhere by papparazzi and scouts, has articles published about you - often with false information -, it was safe to say that Y/N needed a place to rest, and hers was next to Chris.

Her resting with him was many things: spending hours marathoning mindless movies on the couch wrapped in a fluffy blanket and her boyfriend's arms, or when she could lay on Chris's lap and sink into a new book; sometimes it was when her house shared with the triplets smelled like her favorite cake, or when she spent the day making a new DIY that she found on tiktok...

Y/N was a girl with simple tastes, she didn't need much to be impressed, just a few minutes next to Chris were enough for her to feel like the luckiest girl in the world and finally be able to relax her body completely, getting rid of the adrenaline of having a life as an artist.

Don't get me wrong, Y/N loved her profession, since she was little her biggest dream was to be able to perform in front of a crowd and show her talent, and her fans provided that for her; seeing a sea of ​​people in front of her singing along to a song she composed made her see stars, the adrenaline that coursed through her veins when she picked up her pink microphone and could walk, dance, run and jump around the stage freely while singing the lyrics that referred to important moments in her life was incredible.

But nothing compared to waking up next to Chris in the morning and finding the sleepy face she loved so much along with his husky morning voice, or cooking homemade food for them and receiving a hug from behind that was always accompanied by "I love you so much". No moment in front of interviewers with overpriced magazines compared to when Chris won a round of one of his video games and got up from his chair with an excited scream, running over to where Y/N was and showering her with kisses.

Don't even remind me of the thousands of butterflies that flew together in Y/N's stomach when Chris wrote one of his love letters to her, delivering it along with several sweets and chocolates that she was addicted to - a weekly event in their lives.

Y/N's professional life was hectic and tiring, when she wasn't on a plane going from one country to another, she was in a studio recording a new song, or on a famous program answering very controversial questions.

So, when her busy day's were over and she could simply be Y/N, she would go straight into Chris's arms, where she knew she would receive comfort and security.

And that's exactly what she did today. After a turbulent day in the studio recording her new songs, making wrong high notes and having to redo them, crossing out written verses and rewriting them, the girl just wanted to get home and dive into her boyfriend's arms.

Y/N slowly closed the door to her shared room with Chris, her eyes wandering to the low lights and the almost imperceptible sound coming from the television, which was turned on in a random series.

Chris was already in bed dressed in his pajamas, the fluffy gray blanket covering his body up to his shoulders. He had his eyes almost closed from the intense tiredness, but he seemed to fight against it.

That was another thing that Y/N loved about Chris, regardless of what time she came home, he would always be waiting for her awake - more or less.

The girl walked with light steps to the nightstand on her side of the bed, taking the remote control and turning off the television, complete silence settling in the room.

"Hey, I didn't hear you coming." The brunette's sleepy voice caught Y/N's attention, who turned her face towards him, seeing him still lying in the same position, but with his blue eyes now very much open and looking at her. Probably having "woken up" due to the lack of the background sound.

"Hi my love, I just arrived. I'm just going to take a shower and come to bed with you." Y/N responded in a whisper.

"Okay." He said softly, looking at her from below with doe eyes.

Y/N leaned over the bed momentarily, sealing her lips over Chris' soft ones for a few seconds before getting up again and walking to the bathroom.

　　　　　༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Y/N opened the bathroom door, the steam from the hot shower escaping momentarily as she crossed to the bedroom, already in her pajamas, before closing it again.

She walked slowly to the bed, seeing Chris lying on his side and holding his phone with one of his hands, looking more awake than before - or trying to -, the screen brightness turned to a minimum as his thumb scrolled through his Instagram feed.

Chris lifted his head slightly when he heard her approaching, a lazy smile stretching across his face as he stretched slowly, locking the screen of his phone and briefly placing it on top of his bedside table. He opened his arms, waiting for his girlfriend to lay there.

Y/N returned the smile, lifting the gray blanket and laying down on her side of the bed, snuggling in before burying herself in Chris's arms. She ran her nose down his neck, breathing in the fresh scent of soap on his skin, caressing the sensitive spot with her lips.

His hands circled her shoulders, a sigh of pleasure escaping his lips at the comfort that the warmth post-bath of Y/N's body provided. The girl lifted her left hand, running it through Chris' hair, brushing his bangs out of his eyes.

"How was your day?" Chris asked softly a few seconds later, his blue eyes taking in his girl's tired features.

The deep sigh that escaped her mouth was answer enough for him: tiring.

"Did you eat anything? Are you hungry?" He continued, lifting his right hand - which was previously on Y/N's waist - and taking her left hand from his own hair, bringing it to his lips and sealing the soft skin for a few seconds, keeping his attention on her face.

"I had lunch, honey, I'm not hungry." She replied, a tired smile appearing on her lips at his affectionate gesture.

"Don't you want me to get you a snack? Lunch was many hours ago, kitten." Chris intertwined their fingers, only receiving a shake of her head.

"Can you sing f'me?" Y/N asked in a low, weak tone, her words barely noticeable.

A goofy smile grew on Chris's face, his eyes shining with excitement and love. He adored it when his singer girlfriend asked him to sing for her, it seemed too ironic to be true, but that was exactly what Y/N adored most.

"What do you want today? Rap, pop or rock?" He teased, a soft chuckle escaping Y/N's lips as she rolled her eyes, intertwining their legs together and scooting closer to him, laying her head on his shoulder, placing a little kiss on the region.

"Anything is fine, I just want to hear you sing." She asked, eager to listen her boy's soft voice against her ear.

"Y/N baby, I dedicate this one for you." He joked, a smile on his voice before he started to sing a song that he knew that was one of his girl's favorite. "Stay bugging out, days on end..." Chris began slowly, resting his chin on his girlfriend's head, his voice now sounding hoarse and low, intensifying Y/N's drowsiness. "Days on end."

Her eyes began to flutter closed, her heartbeat calming down as the weight of her shoulders seemed to drain down her body, her limbs relaxing completely.

"Play this often, don't take this shit too seriously." He continued gently, stroking Y/N's back in circles with his left hand, feeling the area lose its previous tension. "Know you get insecure, wish I had more wisdom for you..."

Y/N took a deep breath lightly, allowing her mind to drift off into the world of dreams, Chris's voice becoming muffled and almost null against her ears, but her brain seemed to still register it, using it as a personal tranquilizer.

"Sleep, babe." Chris whispered after singing some more lines, noticing her closed eyes and slightly open mouth.

He pressed his lips to the top of his girlfriend's head, before snuggling closer against her body, allowing himself to sleep, Y/N's slow breathing serving as his favorite lullaby.

[mikobeautifulheart]

JJK men and their Morning voice

I want this so bad.

Totally not just fanning over these guys at alllllllll.

INCLUDIDNG: Megumi and Yuji

~Megumi~

The sunlight crept through your window and onto your face, waking up to the immediate light made you wake up. It was your only day off this week there was no way you were going to get up.

"Ugh Megumiiii" Yoou groaned with your eyes still closed.

"Megumiiiii" You said again but gently shaking him.

"Hm" He hummed.

"Can you close the blind, its to early to get up" You said.

And in the most low, raspy, seductive voice you've ever heard he replied.

"Do it your self"

You sat up immediately.

"HELLO? MEGUMI?" You said now very, very awake.

"Yeah"

You felt like your heart was about to explode as he rolled on his side toward you. Not even thinking twice you leaned down and just kissed him.

You felt his tiered breath hitch into a more awake one but oh my god- You would make sure to hear his morning voice every day.

-Yuji-

You were rudely awoken by the sounds of Nobora telling some body off outside of your dorms. You tried to block your ears by putting the pillow over your head.

You heard the sheets shuffle as a low grumbeling voice escaped under your pillow and into your ears.

"Y/n are you okay?" It was so deep you went into fight and flight mode.

"AHH STAY AWAY FROM ME!" You screamed getting up and walking backwards to the wall.

"Wh-WHAT" Yuji said sitting up looking at you in panic.

"Y/N, WHAT"

"Oh..." You said realising your mistake.

"Were you just talking to me? Like you to me, your voice?" You asked lowering your pillow defencfully.

"Uh, yes?" He said in total confusion.

"THAT WAS YOUR VOICE?!" You said.

"Its a bit weird in the mornongs if thats what your implying..."

"Yuji, it was so deep I thought you were Sukuna."

The silence was enough to fill the room with an akward atmoshear.

"But its really hot." You said walking back to the bed and getting under the covers, wrapping your arms around Yuji and felt him become less tense.

AUTHOURS NOTE: I mean-I'm down for part 2 but i gotta publish the other 9 things in my drafts, i'm dying. Have a good whatevertime.

[vivwritesfics]

Fire Is The Devil's Only Friend

Chapter Two

There was no such thing as making it on your own with a high profile boyfriend. That was why she kept her relationship a secret. But then after a PR fuck up, her boyfriend is forced into PR relationship and she's left on the side lines, missing him

1.1K

Series Masterlist

"Have you saved your work yet?"

Carlos knew better than anyone how hard she was working. Between writing her next book, using social media to market, and answering emails from her editor, she as flat out. He was incredibly worried about her.

She looked up at him for just a second before saving her work. The moment she did, Carlos pushed the lid of her laptop closed. "Carlos!" She cried. She went to open the laptop again, but Carlos pulled it from the table.

"One hour, mi amor. Give me on hour, and then I've give you your laptop back."

She thought on it. "You promise just an hour?"

"I promise," he said as he stepped towards her, the laptop against his chest. "We can go and get coffee together." He leaned down and pecked her lips.

She pouted as he pulled away. "You're too good to me."

"Because I just love you so much," he said and kissed her again.

***

The story of Carlos Sainz's relationship with Rebecca Donaldson broke in the early hours of the next morning. Neither of them were aware.

Carlos didn't check his phone when he woke up. He went on a run in the early hours of the morning and spent a few hours working out, like he did every day, all while she slept.

When he got back, she was still sleeping. Carlos made two coffees and brought them to the bedroom. Placing them down onto their bedside tables, Carlos leaned over and kissed his head. "Wake up, mi corazón," he said softly.

She stirred awake and glared at her husband. "It's so early," she groaned, pressing her face further into the pillow.

His laugh echoed around their bedroom. "It's not that early, my love. I got you coffee, drink up."

They had just a few hours together before she was having an online meeting with her publishers in her office and Carlos was meeting with the team at Ferrari.

He opened his laptop and logged into the call. He was rarely in a bad mood these days, the team at Ferrari noted. It was a surprise to all of them, especially after the story they had sold to the media that morning. "Carlos, I'm sure you've heard the news."

The smile dropped from Carlos's face, replaced by a frown. "What news?" He asked. He hadn't yet been on any social media, had seen none of the news articles flash up on his phone.

"We made a decision here at Maranello, one we felt would benefit the entire team," somebody else said. "After some recent events, all of which were out of our control, we thought it best to give the media something more digestible. To do so, it was leaked to the press that you were potentially romantically linked to Rebecca Donaldson, the Scottish Model."

All expression dropped from Carlos's face. He turned on his phone and, for the first time, saw the news. The news about him.

The photo of himself with Rebecca Donaldson wasn't obviously photoshopped, but there was no other explanation. There he was, in a picture with a woman he had never met.

"See, the things is, Carlos, what else are we supposed to do? Do you want Ferrari to crumble?"

No, obviously he didn't want that. "But what about the relationships of mine this does affect?" He asked quickly, pulling open his desk drawer and pulling out the ring box. He didn't display it on camera, fiddled with it in his lap. "What if I was in a relationship and I hadn't yet told anyone?"

"You don't want to lose your seat, do you?" It was a dirty ploy, but the Ferrari team was desperate. "You're almost thirty, you have a limited number of wins under your belt and no championships. Will any other team want you?"

Carlos's heart pounded in his chest. "So, I have to go on with this fake relationship and I'll get to keep my seat?"

"Exactly."

He sucked in a deep breath. Just a wall separated him from the love of his life, but here he was, ready to betray her. All for his seat. "What will I have to do?"

The rest of the meeting was spent with the Ferrari team telling Carlos exactly what they wanted from him. Be seen with her at races, have her in the Ferrari garage, take her to dinner sometimes. It was easy enough.

But it wasn't. Because the woman he loved was going to be at the races too, just not with him, not in the way they wanted Rebecca to be with him.

It was too late for him to back out. The press had released several stories about Carlos and Rebecca already.

The call ended, but he just stayed there, sitting in his chair. He flipped open the ring box several times, playing with it in his hands. The ring was gorgeous, simple, elegant. But now, Carlos doubted he'd ever get to put it on her finger.

At the knock on his office door, Carlos shoved the ring back into his desk drawer. "Carlos?" She called as she entered his office. He looked to the door as she walked in. Her shoes clicked softly against the tiled floor as she walked to his desk and sat herself on his lap. "I've got news about the release. It's launching next week."

"I'll be the first to buy it," he said, his hands on her hips.

Just hours ago, this would have been welcome news. The release of her book meant they were one step closer with telling the world about their relationship. But all of that had been thrown out of the window now, and she had no idea.

"I can't wait to kiss you after a race," she said, her head against his shoulder. "I can't wait to be seen with you."

Carlos said nothing. He kissed her head and held her close, relishing in these moments they had together. There was no telling how many more there would be once she found out.

Maybe he could propose to her now. Drop down onto one knee, put the ring onto her finger and kiss her until she forgot how to breathe. But then it would hurt so much more when she found out.

And he couldn't do that to her.

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[f-t-e]

I started watching SUPERNATURAL in November 2020. I know, I know. My partner and I had been isolating alone since March. The timing felt right. I went though a wild amount of upheaval and trauma over the next year and SPN was there for me through it all. It was THE show at THE time and it kept me afloat when I needed it the most. Since November 2021 I've written just about 110,000 words of SPN fanfic, a number that seems unbelievable to me, and that too has been a real blessing to my creative life, no matter what haters say. (why didn't I write my own novels in that time? Because I have a hobby, Karen, and I love it.) And I've read about 500000x that much fanfic, which has been the biggest blessing of all. (ETA: oh right, if you want to read my fic, you can find my stuff here, I wrote a fic where Dean reads books. Lots of books.)

I know I'm a nobody in this fandom but I thought on this, our #DestielDay, I would submit my own humble rec list. I've curated this very deliberately: every fic here has just about 4000 hits or less (most under 3000) and all were published in 2020 or after. So, sort of a rec list for some lesser known and newer fics, something you maybe haven't stumbled on yet. Especially thank you to @jewishcharliebradbury, her rec lists gave me a place to start back in the day and I have tried to model the depth and quality they brought to their lists. I tried to link to everyone's tumblr, but if I missed one, let me know.

Most of all, thank you to everyone who has EVER created something for this fandom, from 2005 to 2023. I am so thankful and, honestly, honored to be among your number. You're not supposed to be cringe and say a show saved your life...but SUPERNATURAL saved me, it really did. See y'all when the movie/reboot drops, to quote Ryan Gosling in The Notebook: IT WASN'T OVER, IT STILL ISN'T OVER. And I'm glad.

-----

Finale Fix-It & S15 and Beyond

What The Moon Was Saying by Amiril (@runawaymarbles)

This is hands-down one of the coolest “Dean Rescues Cas from the Empty” fics I have ever read and the concept is brilliantly structured to mirror the literal and metaphorical things Dean needs to give up and let go to get free. Every scenario is very satisfying and they make sense, is there any better feeling? Dean is very open in this, but in a believable way that still has edges. And, oh, the reunion is so good. Plus all the family stuff. Just excellent, exactly what you want in a fic like this: lovely, well-written, smart, fulfilling, all the pieces clicking, the show but better.

Awake and Annoying by skycruise

I love the use and passage of time in this one, it has some real impact, and I love the way Dean gets into the Empty (so smart, fits just right) and what I REALLY love in this one is the way it lets Dean be really clear-eyed and honest about his relationship with Sam, both the strengths and the weaknesses. And the last line, very clever and moving inverse of one of fandom’s favorite things. 

Living the life you chose by allthismusic

THEEEEE post finale Sam Winchester-Outsider-POV this fandom needs. Sam is absolutely awesome in this, the most believable, loving, realistic mix of “I knew all along” and “I had no idea” versions of Sam, landing somewhere I think that’s really true and in character. It fills in and develops so many gaps and silences in what the show let Sam know in the absolute best way. Best Brother Sam is a weakness of mine and he really shines here, there for Dean in the best ways but also coming into his own, I love it so very much. (this author also has a very great 2022 Big Bang fic, hugely recommend that one too.)

your ear to the wound that whispers by EmandFandems (@lazarusemma)

Who doesn’t love a HANDPRINT FIC?!? And boy this is such a good one. It follows Dean and his thoughts on the handprint from the first touch all the way to fixing the finale and it simply buzzes with longing and desire, tenderness and rawness. It’s great insight in lot of ways into Dean’s journey. It’s short but fulfilling and oh that very perfect last line. (this author also has a lot of great Jupernatural content.)  

Somewhere Off in the Dark by magickastiel 

Another awesome fic that traces Dean’s shifting/growing feelings for Cas from when he shows up in his hotel rooms to a HEA fix it after canon. Dean, again, is handled so deftly in this one, his confusion and sorrow at all the times Cas is slipping away from him all the way through the things he won’t let himself know. He feels really true in this one, sharp and tender in the best Dean ways. Also it has an agonizingly romantic end, you love to end up there.

Pins and Feathers by theskywasblue (@buttherewasnogod)

This author has so many freaking good SPN fics, omg it was almost impossible to pick just one to include on this list. Go treat yourself with their entire list because there’s so much good stuff there! But this one, oh I am a sucker for a finale fix-it that lets Dean be this tender. While I LOVE fics where he just jumps right into Cas’s arms (and write them lol) I also feel like this is so true to Dean too: that “maybe I misunderstood, maybe I shouldn’t say anything, maybe he doesn’t still –” And on top of all that, it’s a “they go the beach” fic and it gets the details of it so right, sand in your toes and all. Tender, amazing slow-burn, real, hot, full of heart and longing and everything unspoken and just waiting. Very satisfying!

i loved you first by kalmialatifolia

A set of four short fics that create an entire world of feeling and emotion. These feel like little whispered stories told under the covers, very atmospheric. There’s one very sexy one, a haircutting one (so good) and they’re just intimate. All together a great set and did I mention they’re in the “Cas saves himself” genre which is mmmm an underrated treasure.

no other faith is light enough for this place by anonymous 

A fix-it fic that has a particularly unique and beautiful visual of both how and why Cas comes back. The mechanics behind it are fairly standard but the way this author creates the visual of it, the sheer emotion and force behind it and how it happens, it really stood out to me and stuck with me. It’s Dean being brave enough to really feel and the way that just blossoms – lovely, aching, full-tilt wonderful.

 no proof, one touch by TakeThisWaltz (@watchinghimrakeleaves)

One thing I absolutely cannot get enough of is fic where Cas is hiding out from Dean in heaven. It just hits. And the only thing better is Dean chasing him down and the WAY he does it in this fic, methodically and – well the method (sobs) it is so endearing and OBVIOUS and gives Dean a chance to shout in all the best ways. This one is just real sweet and kind of goofy and if they have to be in heaven, I want them to still be these same two dorks.

Stay by redbrickrose

This is a post S15x18 from Cas’s POV and I think it’s very true to where he would be in the moment of getting yanked out of the Empty: resigned, hesitant about what he has in front of him, still a little in shock. And then. And then. Sweet and simple and Dean gets a chance to say, say, say it. This author has a good post series AU and a lovely little spate of S15 codas, all good. And then wrote this in real-time in the week after 15x18 Despair and right before 15x19 Inherit the Earth aired (could you just sob over the possibilities?!) and then hasn’t wrote anything since and that’s a shame but, like, yeah I get it.

like a one-two punch by Muir_Wolf (@muirmarie)

Don’t you love a short fic that feels like it’s a whole novel? This goes AU after 14x20 Moriah but it is a truly delightful twist on how Chuck could’ve reacted there and it makes Dean sharp as a knife, which is one really resonant image woven through this fic. Great imagery here and so many clever solutions for the lazy plotting of S15, including simply one of my all-time favorites in any fic ever solutions to Cas’s deal (genius) and getting rid of Chuck. Brilliant like a puzzle box yet still full of so much fucking joy.

maybe i like pleasure pain by tothewillofthepeople (@kvothes)

The fact that this was written in October 2023 and is so agonizingly good fills my heart with joy and tells me Destiel will never die lol. Cas, in particular, is great in this – he’s having a hard time adjusting to being in a body and with all the fuzz of the world. I love fics where Cas struggles with coming back from the Empty and this uses a really unique approach to it: Cas facing sensory overload and not knowing how to feel but wanting it all. Lovely, hot, Dean is just right in this too.

Earlier Canon (pre S15)

Proverbs 13:12 by starlingcas (@angelcasendgame)

Many might say I am biased because Renu has beta’ed everything I have written in the SPN fandom and they can read my brain and make everything I write better. But it’s not just that. Renu has done something beautiful and delicate in this fic, which is about Dean and Cas getting trapped in a net together (forced proximity trope, yes please) and weaves a web of its own; pulling you in just as they are pulled together. This is set mostly in early S14 (before fixing the finale in the most heart-healing way) and captures that feeling so well. There’s so much that’s unsaid between them yet still conveyed and Renu absolutely nails that, along with the tender longing that was always there. This is a fic to relish.

you may tire of me (as our december sun is setting) by deludedfantasy

You know how the show just sometimes is like “uh so anyway uh then Cas…uh…left.” and it just doesn’t make one lick of sense? FINALLY FINALLY a fic where Dean says “I’ll go with you,” and then goes because he actually would do that. This is a post Tombstone fic so it is exactly where/when he WOULD go and it is tender and hesitant and aching in just all the ways it would be between the two of them at this time. It’s about needing to keep someone in sight, it’s about having another chance to say something so important, it’s slow and soft and just right for the characters in this place. I could read this one about 100 times.

the anatomy of flightless birds by cowlovely (@dollhousemary)

This fic is basically the way you feel when you get all cozy and snug underneath your favorite blanket. This is a domestic-life-in-the Bunker S9 fic where everyone behaves like they are in character and not just like they have to get Cas off screen because the writers panicked. You’ll just want to curl up in this fic and savor it the way you wrap your fingers around a hot beverage on a very cold day, there’s no better way to describe it.

virtue by JenTheSweetie

I think I’ve read this about 100 times and it still gets me everytime? It’s a five things fic about Dean and Cas hooking up and it’s all you’ve ever wished for. This is set in an amorphous S8 and it is not just agonizingly hot but also romantic and very funny. It feels really in character! Sam is hilarious, Dean is clueless but bowled over and letting himself be swept up, Cas is delighting in every second and smarter than he lets on and it ALL feels fated and lovely and sexy and just splendid. (this author only has 3 SPN fics but they are all so good and if you try sometimes, well you just might find is an absolutely brilliant deconstruction of Dean learning the differences between “needing” and “wanting.”)

Romance at the Motel 6 by shelia_amour 

This fic makes me feel like Stefon from SNL. This fic has everything: Cas and Sam pretending to be married, just the right amount of jealous Dean, Dean randomly pretending to be married to Cas, Dean realizing maybe this isn’t so fake after all, motel vibes, Cas in Dean’s clothes, Cas getting bee slippers. If you are not sold on this already, we are very different people. So good, aches just right. (set in a kind of “whenever” of canon, but I like to put it somewhere in S8.)

que sera sera by Purple_Starflower (@hauntedpearl)

The epitome of how fanfic unfolds for us all the things that COULD happen. You can’t PROVE to me Dean and Cas never snuck off to snuggle and feed Dean’s touch-starvation early in S13. I had to check when I finished because I just couldn’t believe this fic was under 4000 words because it feels so full of touch, longing, the things unspoken, and all the ways Dean was reaching, reaching, reaching. The best kind of ache, and everything by this author is lovely. 

the hard edge that you’re settling for by lesspopped (@trekkiedean)

This is some S10 Demon!Dean that made my stomach hurt and my heart ache and I absolutely loved it and I absolutely hated it and it all felt so REAL with who Demon!Dean was and could have been. There’s a TW for mildly dubious consent in this, but to me, Cas was so agonizingly true to who he was/where he was at this point in canon too. This fic is gloriously, claustrophobically intimate. I say unbearable because as a reader you know that this closeness, this intimacy, is what Dean wants/craves/deserves but can only give himself as a demon and the author does an exquisite job at getting all that across. Hurts so good! 

four of swords by sundryvillians (eurythmix) (@perenial)

Can the world ever have enough post 12x12 fic? The answer is, of course, no. Dean and Cas bake bread and in the soft space of creating something with their own hands, get so close to the words Cas said. It’s about healing and anger and making something just because you are so tired of everything breaking. If that alone isn’t enough to convince you, let me also throw in this is another one of those “possible off-screen moments in canon” that gives them something honest and tender and raw and it feels so very possible. 

Fifteen Prayers From the Faithless by koyas_cat

Short, achy, that sweet sting. A set of prayers for Cas from the beginning to the end, full of all the things Dean doesn’t let himself say outloud and just reflecting the changes in their connection over alllll the years. So good.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 81)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (64) / Alexia Putellas x Character (37) & Jordan Nobbs x Leah Williamson (18)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((3.9k))

Due to popular demand, I'm going to post a chapter bi-weekly, every Thursday and Sunday night until we hit Part 100!

YFN POV

“I love you, little one,” she heard Lucy whispering into her ear between soft kisses to the cheek. “I love you. I love you.”

YFN was far too tired to have woken up to it, of course. She’d had surgery the day before and now she had all of Wednesday to herself to get some well-needed rest after the chaos.

She woke around 11am, groaning due to the pain. “Luce..” she mumbled into her pillow, barely knowing where she was.

No response.

“Luce…” she said again, louder.

Again, nothing. She rolled tenderly and just far enough to see that Lucy’s side of the bed was empty.

“Lucy?” She called, louder. If she were anywhere, it would be the kitchen, surely.

Silence.

She turned back to her side and sat up, seeing a piece of paper on her bedside table with tablets and some water.

Good morning, little one,

I’m at training until 5pm today. Sarina let me have a little sleep in to be with you.

Please take your medication as soon as you wake and text me. I’ll reply when I can.

Jordan and Leah will be over later today around 3pm.

Please don’t cook or go out... just order whatever you need and rest.

I love you, my girl.

Love, Luce xx

YFN couldn’t help the little smile creeping across her face at the fact that she’d signed off with the nickname she used for her. Christ, she’d forgotten about training.

She took her painkillers and downed them with the water before texting Lucy that she was awake. She knew she wouldn’t be able to reply most of the day but would probably get permission to sneak a text or two given the circumstances.

Once she felt ready enough, she pushed herself out of bed and willed herself to move against the pain. She couldn’t go far and wasn’t allowed to put pressure on her knee just yet, and so she slid straight into the wheelchair by the bed and used that to get around. Although she wanted a shower, she knew she had to wait until later when Lucy could help her move.

She checked to see if Narla was fed first before managing to settle herself on the couch in the spot that practically had an indent of her ass and elevated her braced leg. She couldn’t even put her hair up and had to settle for it down and frustrating her. It took all of 2 minutes for her to realise just how much Lucy did for her, and how much she appreciated her.

YFN decided to use her free alone time to get some work done. She’d managed to get herself to the stage of having delegated quite a lot and organised her teams so well that they all went about their jobs, with her as an escalation point. She’d moved her original team up into supervisorial positions and they spoke directly with her the most. She replied to emails, overwhelmed with brands asking when the next event was, as they had gotten new clients and were eager to mingle amongst the football stars. Then she checked on the rosters for upcoming games and look at the progress of editing that her team had made with the videos from the Lumos event. She was excited that she’d be able to start uploading them, as the promo photos had been out for two days.

She used her spare time to create a roster of when they’d release the promos and content for each player, timing it with events or games. There was so much to publish, that it was quite difficult to not clutter too much. They had the content – now they needed to use it as effectively as possible.

She decided that the best interview to start with would be her favourite of the day – her interview with Alexia and Chiquito, paired with Lucy and Narla. She’d originally put the pair together because she knew that Alexia didn’t like speaking English and Lucy could not only speak both languages, but they were friends, and she’d help her comfort-wise and language-wise.

That had been one of the only times that day that YFN had seen Alexia actually smiling. She paused the video where Alexia and Lucy were cutely smiling at each other and it warmed her heart to see.

Her mind shifted to Ridley as she wondered on her. She was back, and it had made her so happy that she’d cried in her arms. She’d visited her and Lucy in the hospital the day before and given her a much-needed, long-lasting  hug. They hadn’t been able to speak much, as YFN had been so out of it on drugs, though she did make a promise to her to speak about it soon. That had been enough for her, and still was. She had just wanted her best friend back.

She remembered their conversation recently where she’d admitted to Ridley that she had wanted her to stay around more, because she loved and missed her. They were such a big part of each other’s lives, and always would be. Linked by history and trauma, and a bond that she’d never had with anyone else. She’d been so happy when she’d agreed to stay around.

“From now on, I’ll be here as long as you want me around, okay?” That’s what she’d said as she kissed her hair.

And then… the heartbreak. The 3am wake up to her absolutely torn. On her knees. Begging her to let her go.  “Please. I need to go, Blue.”

YFN knew why she was there. Usually, it was just a text or a call, or a brief hug and kiss before she disappeared. This time it was an apology. She said she’d be there – but she needed to go. And YFN understood that with every fibre of her being. And so, she’d let her. Because in her eyes, she wasn’t breaking a promise. She knew that Ridley would always be ‘right here’ and that one simple message would have her come running.

Because they loved each other.

She sighed, her eyes focussing back on the screen and away from where her mind had drifted to Ridley.

She’d started several segments within the ever-expanding content machine of Lumos. The first; her couch interviews which she would continue over the next few weeks as she continued to heal. The second; her pet interviews from the event. The third; her podcasts.

They would be the three largest segments that Lumos would undertake – and were presented by her, as requested by Catherine. It was the reason she hired her. For her mind, her questions, her interviewing techniques. Her ability to make players feel calm and comfortable and actually heard instead of led different directions with questions which soul purpose was to pry out information. Not at Lumos. Not in her interviews. She’d never let that happen.

The first interview from her couch segment she’d posted was Lucy’s as she immediately gained popularity from how flirty Lucy had been. The second had been Alexia’s as she rode the wave of publicity that Mark had created. The first podcast she’d released yesterday, containing her co-hosts, Jill and Alex along with their first guests, Leah and Bunny Shaw. She pondered on the pet interviews and her decision to post Alexia and Lucy’s first. Would it be too much to post them again? They were two of the most popular women in women’s football.

After consulting with her team and Catherine for a little while – she’d made the decision to post that as the first for that segment anyways, as it would come across as a strong start to Lumos content. Both segments were a completely different style, environment, and line of questioning. The couch was much more in depth and real, whereas the pet interviews were fun and enjoyable.

As soon as she posted her first of that segment, the doorbell rang and she looked at the time, smiling. Her friends were here.

JORDAN POV

Jordan wanted to stay in bed with that delicious warmth of Leah forever. She woke and shuffled her hoody off, rolling over to cuddle into her neck. Leah groaned as she woke slowly, tightening her grip, her fingers beginning to stroke unconsciously. They stayed like that a while. Slowly waking up by the feel, the sound and the warmth of each other.

Ever so naturally, things evolved. Leah’s stroking became larger, and under the back of Jordan’s shirt. Jordan wriggled into Leah as she pressed her lips to her neck and soon enough, they were moaning themselves awake as they enjoyed the feel of each other.

Jordan’s back tingled at the feel of Leah’s hands and suddenly she was horny. She found Leah’s thigh and hooked her leg over, using it as friction to move and grind against.

“Fuck,” Leah gasped as she felt her move against her. “Don’t stop, Jord. Take what you want.”

Jordan ground against her thigh harder as her body shivered at the feel of Leah everywhere. Her hand found that famous blonde hair of Leah’s and pulled her head back, just far enough that Jordan could properly bite into her neck.

She felt Leah shuddering beneath her.

“Fuck. Yes.”

Leah gripped the back of her head to keep her on her neck as her other hand made its way up the front of Jordan’s shirt to grab her breast as if it was hers. Like it used to be. Like she wanted it to be again. Her thumb found her nipple and played there as Jordan sucked the spot she’d just bitten. There would be a hickey, and usually Leah didn’t like this, but not today. She didn’t know if Jordan was testing her or not, but she didn’t care. She wanted all of her, all the time. She wasn’t ashamed to have a hickey from her. Hell, she wouldn’t even try to cover it.

A bark from below the bed had them both freeze. Jordan pulled away slightly to look down at Blu, her eyes now fully open.

She turned back to Leah who was very much excited. Horny. Her hair a mess and her pupils dilated. Regardless of her state, she was honest with her words.

“We… should be careful. Not until you’re ready, Jord.”

Jordan knew Leah would have stopped, but would she herself have gone through with it? Would she cry again?

She nodded. “I’m almost ready, Lea… almost.”

Leah smiled gently. “I know. Take all the time you need. I’m just happy to wake up next to you.”

Jordan let herself smile back as she pressed a kiss to her lips.

“Can I show you around Birmingham today?”

Of course, Leah had been to Birmingham, though the idea of a day wandering the city together was something she could never refuse.

“Only if I can buy you breakfast.”

“Deal.”

Jordan washed her excitement away with a morning shower, letting her fingers trace over her nipple where Leah had just been. Without thinking about it, her fingers kept playing while her other hand found her clit and began to tease. Thinking about Leah while touching herself was not insanity – though there was a good argument to say that it was as she was just a wall away.

Regardless, she didn’t know if she was ready, and needed to get her excitement out to avoid being a horny mess during the day.

Bracing her head against the tiled wall, she worked her clit and her nipple, eventually coming with a gaspy moan against the echoing acoustics of the room.

Jordan was in her room, staring at her closet and wondering what to wear when she hear Leah enter.

“Did you touch yourself in the shower?” Leah asked.

Jordan spun to her, barely catching her falling towel. “What?”

“You heard me,” the England captain said, stepping forwards.

“I…”

Shit, she’d heard the echoes.

“Yes.”

Leah’s eyes flashed like Jordan had never seen before, and she stepped forwards.

“Were you thinking about me?”

Jordan had to crane her neck back just to look at her.

“Y…yes.”

Leah tilted her head up slightly further with one finger on her chin. “Good.”

They spent the first half of the day in Birmingham, Jordan excitedly showing Leah all of her favourite spots around town, including her breakfast spot. Leah insisted on paying, and Jordan repaid the kindness by reaching out to entwine her fingers with Leah’s as they strode through her local park. Blu happily pranced next to them, Leah holding his leash as Jordan had agreed to. She knew how much she missed him. Missed this. And she felt the exact same.

She just wondered when she would know she was ready for sex with her again.

Lucy had called in the morning, just before she’d left for training, and had asked their activities for the day. She was worried about YFN being alone and almost immobile. Jordan felt like she hadn’t spent nearly enough time with her friend, and so around midday they had the car packed and headed off for their drive to London. A drive that they’d both done far too often as of late.

They dropped her clothes and belongings at Leah’s apartment before arriving at Lucy and YFN’s just after 3pm.

Leah knocked on the door.

A pause. “Come in!”

Blu ran in ahead of them, presumably to find his friend Narla, and the two made their way into the apartment to find YFN on the couch, looking much less tired than she had the past few days.

“Oh, I missed you!” Jordan exclaimed as she bounded over for a gentle hug. “Wow, someone needs a shower.”

“I know!” She sighed, exasperated as Leah hugged her hello also. “I can’t really do it by myself. Lucy will be home in a few hours. I’m sorry.”

“We can help?”

YFN paused. “I… uh…”

“You can be naked or have your underwear on,” Jordan shrugged to show it wasn’t a big issue. “Doesn’t bother us.”

She caught Leah’s look of happiness flash from the corner of her eye as she said ‘us’.

“I guess it would be nice to be all fresh for when Lucy comes home..”

“Exactly!”

The couple helped her into her wheelchair and towards the larger bathroom, rather than the ensuite. They gently helped her remove her clothes down to her underwear and bag her braced leg.

“Can this come off?” Leah asked, gesturing to the sling.

YFN nodded, a little embarrassed but happy to finally be able to clean herself.

Leah removed her sling as carefully as she could, looking at the new bandage and bruises on her collarbone. “How did it go?” She murmured, distracting her.

“Really well... he’s happy with it. I just need to be extra gentle so it doesn’t fail again.”

She nodded. “No more fighting people, mate.”

“Hey – that was very one-sided.”

“I know… I’m just… I’ll be happy when he’s out of the picture.”

YFN didn’t reply until Leah looked her in the eyes. She gave a small, knowing smile. “Me too.”

Once she was under the water, balancing on one leg, Leah left and Jordan stayed to make sure she didn't fall. She distracted her by talking about Leah and their heated morning, and then their day in Birmingham.

“I’m really happy for you, Dory,” she said, genuinely. That’s one of the things Jordan loved about her the most. She was always so genuine and loved when people were happy. “Do you know when you’ll be ready to…”

Jordan sighed as she turned so YFN could wash under her underwear. “I’m not sure… soon? I thought I was ready when I slept with her last time and look how that turned out.”

“You didn’t have closure, it’s completely understandable.”

“I just don’t want to make that mistake again and have us back at ground zero.”

“Oh, you won’t, trust me. You’re levels beyond that already. You just need to talk and communicate. And when you do eventually sleep with her again, go very, very slowly. Slow enough that you’re knowing how you feel at every step rather than bottling it in like last time, okay?”

Jordan nodded and turned back to turn the shower off. “How are you always right?”

“I honestly don’t know how it hasn’t annoyed Lucy just yet,” she laughed, letting Jordan help her from the shower.

“Not much annoys her, I think.”

“Except people chewing or breathing loud. If that’s around – she goes wild.”

“How come I never knew that?” Jordan wondered aloud.

“Because it’s the wonderful, wacky mind of Lucy and barely she can keep up with it?”

Jordan laughed. “Nail. Head.”

YFN POV

The couple insisted on making food seeing as YFN hadn’t eaten and Lucy was going to be hungry when she came home. YFN grimaced at the chaos and lack of coordination that was Leah and Dory in the kitchen, trying to work out how to make a roast. It was interesting to watch, though. They were patient with each other. Kind to each other. Just happy that they were together, even if it was all going to shit cooking wise.

Lucy stepped through the door just before five and immediately looked nervous at the sight of the kitchen and the pair in it. She shared a look with YFN who gave an amused, nervous grin in return.

“Oh, Lucy’s back!”

They greeted her, and then she was immediately by YFN’s side, holding her and breathing her in.

“Christ,” she groaned. “You feel so good. Wait. Did you shower?” She pulled back.

“Yes, Luce,” she chuckled. “The girls helped me.”

Lucy froze, her lips turning downwards. YFN touched them, pondering over them before leaning forwards to gently brush her lips on Lucy’s.

“I still had my underwear on,” she whispered into her lips, even though she didn’t need to. The kitchen was loud enough that they had their privacy.

Lucy made an unsure noise and YFN kissed her, dragging away that overthinking.

“It was friendly help, Luce. I promise. Now go and shower please, you’re stinky and I’m not in a position to escape..”

“Well, we can’t have that now, can we?” The footballer grinned and left for her shower.

Dinner ended up being surprisingly okay and edible. They all sat and laughed, talking about their days and what was happening over the coming ones. Lucy’s family were arriving tomorrow, and the couple seemed eager to join. They’d known Lucy her entire life, so of course they knew her family well too. They’d also both be at the game on Friday, organising to take YFN to watch.

“Oh, and in other news,” she announced spontaneously. “Riddles is back..”

“What?!”

ALEXIA POV

Ridley lowered her head and Alexia’s heart sunk at that. “Is there any hope for us?”

“Yes... Don’t run away again. Move forwards with me, together. I need you to be here for me, like I am for you. I need security. Don’t leave again. Fight for me. Fight for us.” Suddenly Ridley raised her head with almost mad determination in her eyes. And then… those dark eyes lowered to her lips. Fuck. Was she.. was she… about to….

Ridley cupped her face with one hand, drawing her down and reaching up as they met in the middle. Their lips met with passion and need.

Fuck. The way her lips moved. The way she tasted. Alexia tilted her head and her tongue began to brush her lips when… just as quickly as it started, it stopped. Ridley pulled away by sliding her head down, Alexia’s lips brushing along her cheek until Ridley pulled back. Her lips were a plusher shade of red now. That just made her even sexier.

“It’s all your choice from now on, Lex.”

Only if she knew that in her head, there was no choice to be made.

“I’ll stay…” she whispered.

“But not for long… I have to be back…”

“I know. Just a few more nights to be with Blue for her surgery. And then back to Spain.”

“And then back to Spain,” she nodded. “Okay.”

What the fuck was she doing? Alexia was usually so strong and independent. Now she was putty in her hands. And she loved it, because she knew Ridley was too.

Ridley’s fingers expertly unclasped her from her seat and collected her things.

“My bag and Chiquito…”

Alexia bolted upright, her breathing ragged. She looked around, disoriented until she realised where she was.

In her apartment, in Barcelona.

She looked at the time, 8am. To Alexia, that was a sleep in. Especially as her body was so used to waking up early for training.

A warm softness moved against her and she looked down to see Chiquito half awake, as if he’d been woken by Alexia’s dream also.

“Good morning,” she murmured as she let her fingers stroke through that soft, grey fur of his. He rolled slightly and stretched himself out in a way that had her stroking his belly. She smiled.

Alexia took her morning just to herself and Chiquito. He’d explored around last night, though he was still curiously finding new things, new smells or items of interest. She let him explore his new world as she took her shower to wake up and went to the kitchen to make her breakfast. As she did so, she felt herself feeling… a little out of place. As if her apartment wasn’t her home anymore. She hoped it was just because she’d been away for a few days, and tried to shrug it off, thinking it would go away. Instead – her mind moved to Ridley.

Ridley in her dream. Ridley on the plane. Kneeling in front of her. She’d never wanted to touch somebody so badly in her life.

She’d come back… but would she stay? Could she learn to love herself? And how would she prove that she’s not going anywh-

Alexia’s phone rang, and she’d been so in her head that she flinched. Putting the spatula down, she picked it up for the first time that day and softened at the name on the screen.

Ridley calling…

She didn’t even hesitate to answer.

“Hola,” she murmured.

“Bon dia, la Reina.” Ridley replied in Catalan. “I was hoping you’d be awake..”

“I’m making breakfast,” she hummed happily at the sound of her voice.

“Mmn. Did you make enough for me?”

Alexia laughed and gave her the same cheekiness back. “Oh, yes. More than enough. I’ll express post it straight away.”

“Or you could just invite me. Save the shipping costs.”

She rolled her eyes, very aware that she couldn’t get herself to stop smiling. “Okay then, when’s the quickest you can get here?”

“Faster than you will believe. I don’t believe that was an invite though, Lex. Use your words.”

She paused as if she were thinking about it before she spoke softly. “Ridley…”

“Yes, Alexia?”

“Would you like to join me for breakfast?”

Alexia heard a happy hum from the other end of the phone. “How unexpected. I’d love to. Now unlock the door, please.”

Alexia froze – her eyes widening as she spun towards the small hall leading to her front door. She gave a breathy laugh. “You… are very funny.”

“And very much going to prove to you that I’m here to stay, Lex.”

Part of Alexia thought it was a joke. Ridley would do something like that. The other part knew she wouldn’t mess with her promise. She began walking towards the door, the phone still to her ear as she unlocked it and hesitantly opened it.

[missorland]

Since it's going to take longer than expected to publish my Zestmilla one-shot, I'm going to share some of my headcanons ;)

Carmilla has a king-size bed and sometimes her daughters sleep with her like when they were children

Zestial is THE KING of self-control. There are soooo many times a day when he wishes he could grab Carmilla's face and kiss her like it’s the end of the world, and yet he remains stoic and formal most of the time (while internally he's simping)

When Clara and Odette were little, Carmilla used to sing to them at bedtime. Zestial stayed to "help her put the girls to bed" (he just wanted to hear her sing). He was always the first to fall asleep

Carmilla needs glasses. She hates wearing them, because she thinks they make her look old, but Zestial DROOLS every time she wears them at home

Carmilla knows how to dance all kinds of dances (it's easy to guess from her outfit) and although Zestial is not that good, he has learned different styles so he would be prepared if one day she offered him to dance with her

Based on Zestial being a very old man, his opinion on women before meeting Carmilla was somewhat retrograde. He didn’t give much importance to women ideas, aspirations or personality, but when he met Carmilla and her daughters he felt so ignorant and stupid for not having given women credit until then.

Carmilla is an absolute workaholic, but starting at 11 pm Zestial FORCES her to go to bed, and if she resists, he offers to massage her scalp or feet. She can't stay awake for more than 5 minutes after that

Now some NSFW headcanons hehe

Zestial likes to go slow, kissing every inch of skin, and although Carmilla appreciates it very much, most of the time she has to take control to finally get to the fun

The sexual combination between an English Lord who died in the Middle Ages and a latina dancer woman who possibly died in the 70s or 80s is quite curious. Before Zestial learned how many things could be done with a woman, he was literally like a puppy at the mercy of a beast

Carmilla loves Zestial's voice, she finds it terribly sexy. He knows it and uses it to his advantage, whispering obscenities in her ear while he fucks her deep and slow

Just like Carmilla loves Zestial's voice, he gets even hornier when Carmilla moans or curses in Spanish. Often Carmilla's screams of pleasure in her language are what makes him finally cum

One time, Carmilla's daughters caught them having sex. Odette was completely traumatized, while Clara seemed to be having fun. Neither Carmilla nor Zestial looked them in the face for a week

[aboutchriss]

Warm like hot chocolate

Pairing: idol!chan x fem!reader

Genre: fluff??? (I'm confused like you trust me), best friends to ???, cuddles, pecks

Author note: And I’m back babies, I have a lot of free time, sadly I have a brace on my foot so I need to rest all day on my couch, without moving, so I started writing again. I have like 9 drafts just on tumblr and a LOT more in my notes so be prepared I might publish something else this week hihihi, anyway since my birth i have this issues where I can't warm up by my self if the weather it’s not at a proper temperature, I’m in my 20s and I still struggle to warm my self up especially my arms, hands, legs and feet. That’s why i thought about writing this thing down, because I’m 100% sure that Chan is the warmest person ever, just like hot packs. not proof read I'm too tired and lazy.

As always my request are open!🩷

-✉️

I’m so insecure about my English, as I said it’s not my first language and I’m always scared to make mistakes or stuff like that, so if you find mistakes please let me know, I’ll be thankful and also my English will improve!

-✉️

Why it's so fucking cold in here?

you think

after months, you finally had the opportunity to sleep at your brother's place, his dorm actually, that he's sharing with some of his bands mates.

You get up, shivering cold, maybe with a pair of pants you could warm your self up? but you know that you can't fall asleep with pants, who sleeps with pants in 2023? exactly no one, you need something or someone to warm your self up and that's where are you going, in tired, sleepy steps.

you knock at your brother's door, opening it a little to see his figure under the blankets

"Changbin Oppa, you sleeping? I'm so cold"

you say waiting for a response, but a little snore informs you that luckily he is sleeping peacefully.

you get out, closing the door behind your back.

You knock at the door that it's in front of you, knowing that the person on the other side of the wall is awake, for sure, you knock gently, but you don't receive a response, maybe he's wearing headphones?

"Channie-oppa you awake?"

you open the door

"oh, cupcake what you doing here? is everything okay?"

he says taking his headphones off his head

"I'm freezing, why it's so cold in this house?"

you say closing the door behind you

"have you try to put a pair of pants?"

he says closing the laptop that was on his lap

"I'm just like Binnie, I can't sleep with pants on, but that's not the point. there was a fucking penguin in my room, because of the cold"

he giggles a little

"come here cupcake, I'll warm you up, but don't you try to fall asleep here"

"I wont, I promise"

you say crawling in his bed

"wait, before I get in, you have something on or I have to met little bang again?"

"right, wait. cover your eyes, and stop calling him little bang, he has feelings and he's not little, and you know it cupcake"

Of course you know it, the first time that you met him he was naked, like fully naked, you saw IT, just for a couple of seconds but you saw it, he tried to cover himself with a pillow but it was too late, you saw it and even if you know that it's NOT small (the perfect size actually) you call it 'little bang', just to piss him off.

You cover your eyes with your hands, trying to give him some privacy.

"Okay, I'm done."

he says, lifting the blankets so you can snuggle in, placing your body right next to him, head resting on his bare chest, he covers your shoulders with the blankets, his arm on your waist.

"I swear to God if you drool on me, imma ban you from my room"

"I'm not going to drool on you"

you say caressing his abs

"mhmh, liar"

he whispers

"you're so warm, you know that?"

"yeah?"

"mh, just like hot packs"

"hot packs?"

"yeah, hot packs or hot chocolate I don't know, you're just warm, and I want you in my bed every night, I'll pay you to warm me up every night, and your scent is addicting"

"addicting? what you mean?"

"I don't know, every time we cuddle the next day I need more of your cuddles and your scent stay in my t-shirt for nights."

you look at him smiling shily

"you can always come here to get your cuddles you know that right?"

"I know, but you're always working, and naked and I live away from your dorm and I can't come here every night, and-"

"I'll start wearing underwear if you want to cuddle every night"

"no more little bang for me?"

you smile at him, he try to hide a smile, but his dimples pop up anyway

"and again stop calling him little, he's not little"

"mhmh, whatever you say"

you smile

"Channie?"

"mh?"

"can you date someone at the moment?"

"what do you mean?"

he says looking at you

"it's a difficult question for you? can you date someone, you know with the dating ban and everything"

"uhm, yes. It was just for two years after the debut so yeah, I can date whoever I want"

"good, so we can go out right?"

you look at him smiling

"yes...are you asking me on a date?"

"I mean, If you want to yes, I can go back to the penguin in my room if you don't want to"

"nono, i want to-i-yes"

he stutters shily

"yes, I want to go on a date with you, but a real date, in a restaurant, with a nice dress and high heels"

"you mean both of us in a dress and high heels or you can wear that beautiful black coat and a white shirt"

"I'll wear the dress of course"

both of you giggles

"well, thanks Channie"

"for what?"

he asks

"giving the honor to come on a date with me"

"the honor? y/n I wanted to ask you to come on a date for months, I even asked permission to your brother"

"you ask permission to Changbin? For me?"

"yes, is that weird?"

"fuck no"

you say kissing his lips

"i-i'm sorry, I wasn't thinking-i-i fuck sorry I-emh I have to go"

you say trying to escape from his arms

"ah ah, where are you going?"

"setting my self on fire because I kissed my brothers best friend after I asked him for a date?"

"shut up y/n"

"but-"

"shut up, please"

he says kissing you, taking your face between his hands

"you know how long I have waited for this?"

you say in his lips

"yeah, since the first time that you see me, your brother told me about the little crush that you have on me"

he says looking at you

"see, he made a mistake"

"what you mean?"

he asks

"my crush for you it's not little, it's huge actually. You're in my mind most time of the day and the night, especially at night, and this lips? - you say touching his lips- I have dreamed about them for years Chan, so pink, and plumped and kissable, I knew that you were a good kisser"

"really?"

"fuck yes"

you kiss him one more time

"wanna know the other things that I'm good at? they involved little bang"

"don't talk, show me"

Tags: the one and only @paboswriting (I miss Mr Bang)

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 59: Jenny's Rescue

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tw: character death, mind control, hypnotism, stabbing, adult woman called girl

October 1925

Jenny woke up.

It'd been happening less often these days. She spent most of her life in a half-remembered, hypnotized haze, but every so often her mind would shake itself just barely free. She wasn't sure what triggered it -- a memory, perhaps, triggered by a sound or a smell. It never lasted long before her master effortlessly put her under again.

That's where she was now, with Master Edgar, kneeling at attention beside his favorite armchair. The fact that he was keeping her close at hand probably meant that he intended to feed, but for now he was relaxing with a magazine and his favorite pipe. She stayed still, trying to maintain her posture, so that he wouldn't immediately realize that she was awake. The fireplace was warm with a cheerful crackle, the cushion below her knees was mercifully comfortable, and she was generally content with just remaining like this for some time.

Back when she was first put under her master's spell, whenever she woke up like this, she would try her best to find a way to escape. She'd never gotten far, and she'd earned harsh punishments each time. She touched the place on her hand where her smallest finger used to be, remembering why she had stopped trying. It was far better to enjoy a moment of relative peace and relaxation than incur her master's wrath for no gain.

She'd just about accepted that she was never getting out. She had wished to never see the lace factory again, and like a girl in a fairy tale, she'd had her wish granted in the most awful way. Even so, on quiet nights like this, it seemed bearable.

"Hm. Are you awake, girl?"

"Yes, master. Sorry, master," she sad demurely.

He sighed. "I suppose I ought to put you back to sleep, then, so I can feed later."

"Master --" She hated to ask, fearful of getting in trouble even though it was such a small request. "May I stay awake just a little longer? I'm enjoying the fire and your company, sir."

"…I suppose there's no harm in it, as long as you're silent and don't make any trouble," he said, to her surprise. "I'd like to finish up the article I was reading, anyway. You may stay up for a bit longer."

"Oh, thank you, sir," she said, straightening her posture to show her dedication to being obedient, even when not fully entranced.

Or was she? It was hard to tell the difference sometimes. Maybe her serene attitude was only because she was still very much entranced, despite feeling awake.

She sat in silence, basking in the warmth of the fire, and letting her mind wander. Her thoughts quickly latched on to the many things she missed: sunshine on her face, the scent of flowers blooming, cool summer rains, the bustle of shops, sweets at the county fair. How she regretted not appreciating those more when she had the chance! She hadn't left the manor since she arrived. If only her master would let her outside, even once…

She would appreciate the fire and the quiet of the study now, though. She feared there was a time when she would go to sleep and never again be awake enough to think such thoughts.

Master Edgar tossed his magazine onto the side table with a huff. "Rubbish," he said, and Jenny knew he was talking to himself, not to her. "I can't believe what passes for publishable these days."

Jenny didn't move a muscle as she heard the familiar sound of her master's pocket watch's chain, the soft tick-tock already beginning to make her drowsy. Master Edgar placed one hand on her head as the other dangled the watch in front of her face. It began to swing in slow rhythm, the weight of the watch bearing down on her mind, her eyelids already starting to droop. Her short reprieve was over.

"Focus, girl," he said, unnecessarily, because she already had all of her attention fixed on the watch. "Each swing will make you sleepier and more obedient. You know what it is you need to do."

"Sleep and obey," she murmured.

"That's it, girl, sleep and obey. Sleep and obey…"

She was so well trained that it took very little for her master to put her under. She knew from her hazy memories that once she was fast asleep, she would be made to open her eyes and conduct her master's household business with very little input from her mind, a dream of servitude.

That is, except on nights like this, when he chose her to feed from, when fangs in her neck would only drive her deeper into unconsciousness. She thought perhaps that she was his favorite, the one he chose more often than the rest, and this gave her some odd comfort. Falling into her master's arms during his feedings was the only tenderness she had in this place, and she would be permitted to spend the rest of the night in bed afterwards, so she welcomed it.

"What is that sound?" The watch was abruptly removed from her sight, and she blinked slowly, trying to adjust. Master Edgar looked deeply concerned in a way that was unusual. Had another vampire come to challenge him? Master had a number of enemies, for reasons she was not allowed to understand. "Wait here in the study, girl. Don't move from this spot."

But her master didn't have time to leave the study before the sounds grew louder, loud enough that Jenny could hear it with her ordinary human senses. The door to the study burst inward, revealing a most unusual sight.

The woman was small but looked athletic, her hair pulled back into a severe bun. She was wearing a practical man's suit with a sort of leather vest. Her thick belt had holsters for knives, wooden stakes, and other items Jenny couldn't identify, and she had a large leather satchel and an enormous silver cross on a chain around her neck. Most unusual was the crossbow and quiver strapped to her back.

A vampire? A human here to rescue her? She felt a pang of excitement followed by immediate guilt. She shouldn't wish for her master's death when he'd given her food and shelter and work for so long now -- and for all she knew, this wouldn't be a rescue at all, but an even crueler master.

Master Edgar thrust his pocket watch towards her like a weapon. "Focus," he said with enough force that Jenny was easily caught up in it too, staring at the swaying watch regardless of how much she wanted to observe the new visitor.

She glared. "Fiend, do you think you can --"

"Focus," he said, gesturing towards the watch. "You will focus. Focus now, little hunter. Focus, girl."

So she was a hunter! Jenny's heart clenched. She could just see the hunter behind the swinging watch that threatened to capture her full attention. To her disappointment, the hunter was already focusing, her eyes moving back and forth perfectly in time with the hypnotic watch.

"That's it, girl, that's it. Keep focusing. More and more hypnotized with every swing and sway. Feel my hypnotic power beginning to set in, no matter how hard you fight it."

"Nnnngh," the hunter groaned, trying to tear herself away.

"No, no, none of that, little hunter. You're too hypnotized to resist. You're going to start sleepwalking forward… closer… closer and deeper into my spell, little hunter. Deeper and deeper into hypnosis…"

She took one slow step forward, then another, clearly trying and failing to resist Master Edgar's commands. Jenny couldn't help but wish for her success, but she knew that none could defy her master for long, not when they were caught up in his mesmerism. It was already too late for this poor hunter, a dead woman walking. Jenny did hope that he wouldn't kill her right here and now.

"Your limbs are growing heavy, little hunter. Your eyelids are growing so heavy. You're tired, so tired. You want to rest," said Master Edgar with a wicked grin, as the hunter drew closer. "Don't be afraid. My pretty watch will help you sleep."

Jenny was fighting sleep herself, wanting to stay awake and see what would happen. The hunter was so close now, close enough that her master could reach out and pet the top of her head. She was so small -- how could a woman like this hope to stand up to a vampire like her master?

"Awww, poor little sleepy vampire hunter. You're being hypnotized by the scary vampire, aren't you?" he laughed, as her eyes began to fall shut for longer and longer. "You're just too hypnotized to resist. You will sleep, little hunter, and you will obey. Sleep… sleep…"

The hunter made a soft sound of protest, swaying gently in time with the watch, falling asleep on her feet.

"Go to sleep, girl… sleep… sleep…"

A fountain of blood was gushing down her master's chest.

Jenny was so dazed, and it had all happened so quickly, that it took her a few moments to comprehend. As her master crumpled to the floor, the hunter was standing before him with a bloody stake, her eyes perfectly awake and aware. Master Edgar began to crumble into dust, and Jenny was screaming.

"It's all right." The hunter put her stake down and pulled Jenny into her chest, and Jenny clung to her, not knowing what else to do. "Shhh, I won't hurt you. He won't hurt you any more. You're safe."

"You -- you killed --"

"Listen to me now. Are there any other vampires in the manor?"

"No, only Master Edgar."

"How many thralls does he keep?"

"Six, including myself, miss."

"Hm. That's far too many for me to support. I'll have to contact the guild," she said. "Are any of these thralls in immediate danger?"

Jenny could barely answer through her choked sobs -- what exactly she was crying about, she wasn't entirely certain. "No, miss, they're all -- they're asleep, under his spell, and doing the chores --"

"That's fine, then. I'll leave them be for now, and you can come along with me. Can you stand?"

"I -- I -- I --"

"Here, let me help you up. There you go. Can you sit here for a moment? I need to do something important before we leave and I send the guild in to clean up."

Jenny nodded as she was placed onto the same armchair where Master Edgar had been lounging a few moments before. She couldn't seem to quite comprehend that he was dead. Perhaps she had fallen asleep after all and this was all a dream.

The hunter picked the pocket watch off the floor and stuffed it in her satchel, along with several gold rings her master had been wearing. "I need light valuables to carry with me. Do you know where he would keep them?"

"His bedroom, miss," she said. Uncertain as she was about helping the hunter, it was easy for her to fall into a state of obedience.

"And where's his bedroom?"

Jenny directed her, and the hunter was off to ransack her master's belongings, as Jenny huddled in on herself for comfort. Her master was gone. What would happen to her now? Would she have to go back to her job in the lace factory, after all that had happened? Would they even accept her now? She felt so frail and weak compared to the woman she used to be, a life barely remembered. All she was good for was doing chores and providing blood.

…Would she get to see sunshine?

Was her master truly dead? How did this hunter defy him? Jenny had never seen anyone escape from his hypnotism.

"I'm back," the hunter announced. "That was very fruitful." She held her hand out to Jenny. "Come with me. My car is outside."

Jenny took her hand in a daze, stumbling past the dusting corpse that was once her master and out of the study. She couldn't seem to quiet the part of her insisting that this was all a trick, that she was to be punished, that she was going to be discarded and left destitute…

The cool night air hit her face, and for the first time in years, Jenny looked up at the moon. It was beautiful, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Here, you can ride in the passenger's seat." The hunter was gently directing her into a waiting car as Jenny stared at everything around her like a woman possessed. The moon and stars, the streets and the gaslamps, the shops and houses -- it had been so, so long since she'd seen the outside. "It's going to be okay," said the hunter. "You're going to be safe now."

Jenny sat inside the car, trembling. After years of being asleep and obedient, her mind was now swirling with so many thoughts and worries that she felt she might burst. The hunter got into the driver's seat.

"It's going to be okay, I promise," she reassured again. "I know it's a lot to deal with right now, but you're going to be fine."

"Yes, miss," she said numbly.

"Oh, you don't need to call me miss -- I didn't introduce myself at all, did I? My name is Vivian, and I'm a vampire hunter and a witch."

"A witch?" Jenny really had fallen into a fairy tale.

"That's right," Vivian said with pride. "It's probably nothing like you're thinking, though. I can explain more later."

"How did you defy him?" said Jenny, unable to hold back the top question in her mind. "His hypnotism -- I couldn't resist him at all, not ever, and you just…"

"I can make myself immune to vampiric enthrallment for a short time. The method is a secret, though, I hope you understand," she said. "It's how I'm able to kill vampires that no other hunter can touch."

"Like my master…"

"Like your master." She started the car. "I hope you won't hold it against me for too long. You're free now."

"Free…"

She didn't feel free, not yet. But she had gotten to see the moon.

Prev > Masterlist > Next

I've been looking forward to introducing these characters.

Next week, Oliver finally gets to meet Alexander's mysterious friend.

@d-cs @latenightcupsofcoffee @thecyrulik @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @wanderinggoblin

@whumpyourdamnpears @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are @pressedpenn @pigeonwhumps @amusedmuralist

@xx-adam-xx @vampiresprite @irregular-book @whumpsoda @mj-or-say10

@sowhumpshaped @whumpsday @morning-star-whump @silly-scroimblo-skrunkl

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @pirefyrelight @theauthorintraining @whump-me-all-night-long @anonfromcanada

@typewrittenfangs @tessellated-sunl1ght @cleverinsidejoke @abirbable @ichorousambrosia

@a-formless-entity @gobbo-king @writinggremlin @the-agency-archives @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

@enigmawriteswhump @foresttheblep @bottlecapreader @whump-on-a-string @whumpinthepot

@cinnamoncandycanes @avvail-whumps @tauntedoctopuses @secret-vampkissers-soiree @whatamidoingherehelpme

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@fuckcapitalismasshole @slightlydisturbedbeans @paperprinxe @demetercabingreen-thumb @the-broken-pen

@pokemaniacgemini

[charlidos]

Viggo has published two of the photos he took of Orlando (I'm sure there are plenty more. For instance that "best photo ever taken of Orlando" from getting lost in the rainforest... Will it ever be published? Fear it won't).

Elf Head is dated 1999, and in my mind this was taken very early on after Viggo arrived in NZ, October 1999. If you look at other clips and pics of Orlando in his mohawk hairdo, I don't see that long patch of hair in the neck like in this pic. It's a more extreme version here, less polished. So maybe this was an early version of the 'do.

According to what I've understood, the first scenes with Legolas didn't start shooting until after a week or so of shooting, so I think Orlando hadn't started filming anything when Viggo arrived on set (and started filming from the get go). I think they tinkered with Legolas' costume and wig for a bit at that time. For instance, I'm not sure what that collar is in the pic. Does it look like something Legolas wears in the films? In other words, I think the decision to have a mohawk might have coincided with Viggo's arrival on set. And I think this photo was taken very early on, maybe the first weeks of filming.

According to Orlando, it was Liv who suggested the style, as they'd realised that he'd need to remove most of his hair in order to facilitate putting on the Legolas' wig. But if Viggo had already arrived at this point, maybe he had something to do with it; maybe he even suggested it, and Liv thought it was a great idea.

Viggo used to be a part of the LA punk scene, via his marriage to one of its stars. I don't know to what extent he felt like a part of that scene back then, but I imagine Viggo was not only used to wild styles, hair and dress, but was perhaps rather fond of it. Finding a co-star with such an punk-ish style probably appealed to him a great deal.

Because I see a fascination in this photo. And it's not with Orlando's face, but with the hairstyle, the strange contrast of hair and pointy ears, the form of that skull and neck. Maybe he was intrigued by the contradiction of Orlando's very pretty face and the unruly, almost-ugly hair flap and strange ears.

The title "elf head" is a bit unexpected, considering the only thing even close to elvish about this portrait, is the ears. Certainly, no elf would ever have such hair, right? Unless it's a punk-elf. But maybe Viggo thought Orlando looked like a beautiful elf, no matter what hairstyle.

This photo was taken sometime in 2000, but there's no way to tell exactly when, I think. They filmed so many battles, so who knows which one. Maybe Helm's Deep, with those long, arduous weeks of night shoots, when they must have spent so much time with each other, when no one else in the main cast was even awake. There's this feeling of being in the dark in this photo, or in a twilight of sorts.

Again, there's a sense of fascination here; with the beauty of Legolas the elf, and the transformation from Orlando, the young, pretty, energetic, sweet young man to Legolas, old, wise, calm and focused. Viggo is an artist, so I imagine he's got a sense of beauty when he sees it.

There's also a sense of intimacy, like we're intruding, like we are in Orlando's mirror. Considering they shared a make-up trailer all that time, sitting beside each other, getting ready, not only for battle but for everything, it must have seemed, at times, quite intimate. Orlando studying Viggo, fascinated. And obviously, Viggo studied Orlando back, also fascinated.

I wonder if the photo was spontaneous or staged; did Viggo just catch Orlando putting in Legolas' eyes, like Orlando did every day, or did Viggo decide this was a shot he wanted and asked Orlando to pose?

I can read the added text two ways: full awe and respect, like Orlando really is transforming into Legolas, a fearsome warrior to be reckoned with. Or like it's slightly teasing: to point out the irony of this fey, lithe creature being able to fight orchs. Kind of like you'd pretend to scared of a little kid, acting like a scary monster.

After a discussion with @vamp-ress, I realised something else: these two pics have one particular thing in common, namely that they catch that twilight moment between reality and fiction. That moment when O is still O, but is about to become Legolas (or the other way around). That moment when he's neither completely O, nor completely Legolas. A transitional moment of blur between the two worlds. I imagine this is what caught Viggo's eye, that transformation.

Now, Viggo please show us the rest of your Orlando stash, I know you've got plenty!

And I'm sure Orlando does too..

[darthgloris]

Our Padawan III

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x fem!Jedi!reader

Warnings: death, heartbreak, angst, grief, sad Ani, traumatized Ahsoka

Summary: After the chaos in the gorge, Ahsoka and Anakin descend the cliffs to look for Y/N. The young girl finds her sprawled out on the ground and hopelessly tries to get her to wake up. When Anakin finds his Padawan trying to make her get up, his heart crumbles. As he grieves the love of his life, Ahsoka guilts herself into believing it was her fault.

A/N: and here comes the saddest one of them all! A moment of silence for Mufasa and Y/N. I promise that after this one I'm publishing lots of fluff!

Song: Mufasa Dies - Hans Zimmer

Our Padawan // Our Padawan II

☆☆☆

Ahsoka hopped down from the rocks and the thump of her feet echoed through the dead-silent gorge.

She tried to look for her Master through the clouds of sand and dirt. She caught sight of a silhouette under the broken tree and her heart clenched as she walks towards it. She takes slow, careful steps as she inspects the unmoving figure.

Y/N was on her side, hand curled on the floor by her face, hair tousled up and drooping over her forehead. She looked peaceful, almost asleep, except something felt different... she didn't have that spark of life.

No.

She has to be okay.

"Master?" Ahsoka looked at her, desperate for a sign of life. "Y/N, come on."

She walked closer and pulled on her arm, "You gotta get up." Completely still and a bit cold, her arm flopped back into place.

"Y/N..?" She whimpered. "We gotta go home..."

The young girl moved to stand near her head and tried to shake her awake.

But she wasn't moving.

"Help!" She called, her hopeless yell echoing through the gorge, now fallen onto deaf ears. "Anakin!"

Ahsoka walked back and forth through the gorge, screaming for anyone to respond. "Rex! R2..!"

Her shoulders slumped in defeat, but she still refused to admit her Master was gone. Forever. "Help..." her breath shook as tears filled her eyes, but she didn't let them spill. Instead, she walked over to Y/N's still figure and knelt down next to her, resting her head in her lap. "Come on, I know you're still there... you have to be..."

Footsteps echoed through the silence and her head snapped up, looking for the person. "Snips?"

"Master!" She said and rushed to hug him.

Anakin's heart crumbled and seemed to never be able to be put back together again.

The love of his life, his angel, his Y/N... lifeless on the floor like an animal.

He dropped to his knees beside her, defeated, devastated, destroyed.

Every moment they ever spent together flashed before his eyes like a movie: all the secret meetings and the kisses and the nights spent together... all gone. It was all gone.

His eyes filled with tears as Ahsoka tried to grab onto his arms and pull him towards her. "Master, help, please... I can't get her to get up..."

"Snips..." he couldn't even put the words together. He couldn't. "She's... she's not going to get up..."

The girl seemed to get lost in herself for a moment, and Anakin pulled his favourite person's dead body onto his lap, holding her close for the last time. He held her cold, peaceful face over his chest, right where she would rest after a long day. He started sobbing uncontrollably as he clutched onto her for dear life. He couldn't bring himself to let her go.

"I'm sorry, Master..." Ahsoka spoke up, her voice heavy with tears.

"Snips, don't do this, please..." Anakin begged. "You have nothing to apologise for."

"It's... it's my fault..." She said as she looked at her broken lightsabers in the distance.

"No, it's not, Snips, don't say that..." he denied without missing a beat.

"She'd... she'd still be alive..." she thought out loud, trembling as she took a few steps back. "I can't, I'm sorry..."

"Ahsoka, wait!" Anakin called, but she had already taken off running. His breathing quickened as his eyes flickered from the dust his Padawan kicked up to Y/N's pale and tranquil face. He couldn't take it anymore.

He let out a blood curdling wail of grief. And then he kept screaming. He screamed until his throat ripped raw, until he felt his voice dying into his trachea.

Anakin felt numb. He felt as if he lost the sense of time, place and touch. He couldn't get up, he couldn't pull his skin away from hers. He just couldn't. Because he knew that if he let go, he'd never touch her again. If he walked away from her, he'd see her once more at her grave and then never again.

...

Ahsoka's step faltered as she heard someone speaking and a response by commlink.

"Did you do it?"

"I did. She's dead."

She gasped silently as she poked her face out from the wall of stone. Dooku was on the line with someone... with Palpatine?

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Skywalker's screaming over his loss and the little girl felt so guilty about it that she ran away."

"So what are you waiting for? Go find her and kill her!"

As if on cue, the Sith turned around and caught the girl spying. She yelped and stumbled away, rushing back to look for Anakin.

She reached the broken tree and saw the ship waiting for Anakin to get inside. "Master!"

"Snips! You're all right!" He said, relieved, as she threw her arms around him again. He held her tightly as he felt a sudden wave of affection for her. He was going to protect her with all he had, at the cost of his life. His last attempt to keep a part of Y/N alive.

"Go on, go back to the ship." He said and she obliged wordlessly.

As he picked her up bridal style and walked inside the ship, he felt like it was the longest walk he ever took. With the love of his life still limp in his arms, he pressed a button to send a message to Obi-Wan.

"Y/N's gone, Obi-Wan. Alert the Council."

[firedragon1321]

This is for Kari's day of @taichiyagamiweek! Hold on to your butts.

(TW for child abuse/neglect, depression)

All this week, I talked about how each character relates to Tai and the group. I can't do that easily with Kari. Coming in late and being dubbed "the special one" means she doesn't develop until 02, so she has more group dynamics with the new cast than the old. So this is more about Tai, and what being Kari's brother has made him.

I've ranted about My Sister's Keeper before. I'm not going to beat the "it's not his fault, he was a kid" dead horse again. I want to talk about an overarching problem which goes all the way back to the pilot.

Tai- age 7- is expected to cook and care for Kari when his parents are gone. He is the only one who understands her whistle language. He's a good big brother! But he's also a child. So when he thinks/behaves like a child and it results in Kari getting sick, suddenly he's a monster.

He can't fail her again. He cannot.

Now, I'm not sure how much of this is Japanese culture. Something similar happened in Ponyo with much younger kids. The eldest boy in the house is the man of the house, regardless of age. I cannot speak to cultural differences. All I can do is analyze fictional characters.

Growing up raising Kari has resulted in the following behaviors with Tai by the time Adventure rolls around-

He is more responsible than he first appears, especially with Kari.

He is still a child, and often behaves immaturely.

He has been trained to blame himself for every failure.

This is a risky plate to bring to the Digital World's table. Without Sora to ground him, Matt to challenge him, Izzy to move him past hesitation, the others simply believing in him, Tai could have crashed and burned. At Devimon's mansion (he should have seen the trap). After SkullGreymon (he tried to protect them all...only he could do it...). It's very doubtful he would have made it past My Sister's Keeper if not for Izzy and TK. Without them, he could easily have broken down, and become vulnerable to a trigger happy Machinedramon...

This all comes to a head way too late. Kari was a last-minute addition, so unlike Sora and her mother or Matt and his family, Tai barely has time to resolve his issues. He confesses to Izzy, sure. But there's no "aha moment". His childhood raising another child combined with leading an army of child soldiers has prepped him for a life where even the smallest failure is the end of the world. How can he be blamed for hesitating in tri.?

And the worst part is Kari doesn't see it. Tai's the perfect big brother, who she aspires to become. She loves him no matter what, even as he lies awake at night believing the opposite.

...This is a sad note to end the week on. So I published a day early so I can do a bonus meta for the whole group on the last day. Doing these metas made me realize how important each character is- even some I tend to overlook.

[safarigirlsp]

I was so excited to see the ask game going around. I hope it perks up around here again 💛

Do you any HCs to share for Flip, Kylo, Jacques, and Mills??

🍔

🍕

Hello!! Thank you for sending this in! Today feels like the good old days with this dumpster fire hopping and the bs flying! I love it!!

🍕What's your favorite comment you've received on a fic?

Omg @iamburdened absolutely kills me with her comments. I have re read them 100 times and I smile like a lunatic every time. She's so dark and hilarious and I love her!

Here is just one example of her awesomeness on my fic Sinners Welcome!

@vedavan leaves some of the most involved and thoughtful and incredible comments I've ever received and I am so beyond floored at the amount of thought she gives. I am so thankful for her encouragement and support!

This comment on Here There Be Monsters made me swoon

Ahhhh!! Your stories are always such a thrill, a joyride from beginning to end, and this one was no exception. I loved every word, and your gift for action scenes and gorgeous descriptions shone so brightly here. I loved all the side characters too: from the colorful ragtag assortment of pirates and whores, to Legris' trusted crew and of course the legendary Pierre; the elegantly villainous Talvington and the mysterious, bewitching Grey Lady. Even the ship herself, the Belle Dame, was a character in and of herself. And of course as always I appreciate Carroughes disgusting appearance and his inevitable demise. Your obvious love and passion for the subject matter and for the characters (no one writes a better, hotter, more delicious male MC than your Legris 🔥🔥🥵) made this such a joy to read, and I was almost sad when it ended. Action, romance, drama... your stories have it all and I'm completely addicted. Perfection! ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

@reveluving inspires me to write more insanity by her support and beautiful comments on my stories!

This is so hard actually, but I have to shout out to my favorite people here and the most supportive and amazing people I know who always spur me to keep churning out my bs and do more!

You, of course! @queeniebee and all the other friends I have here who instantly come to mind when I think of support and wonderful people! @babbushka @lumberjack00fantasies Silky!! @gabesprincess @mrs-gucci @rynwritesstuff @mythrielofsolitude @reylokisses @queen-of-elves @srorgana1 @kyloremus

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet?

Kylo knew you were the one when he found he could fight with you and argue without losing his temper. He has a famously hot temper. He's a notoriously violent man. But of course, he could never hurt his girl. That doesn't mean that he wouldn't lose his temper with her, or so he thought. He thought it would be a challenge, that he would feel his blood pressure rise and his teeth grind when you angered him, because naturally you're going to. It can be a little thrilling to push his buttons. But he never has lost his tempter with you, despite your best efforts. He gets hot and bothered in other ways, ways he channels to improve both your moods.

It's true what they say, that Beauty tamed the Beast.

No one can debate that Jacques has a winning personality. He's fun, lively, exudes charm and charisma, and has no hesitation putting on a grand show for his girl. However, like so many highly charismatic people, his charm was hard-earned and developed for survival. A self-made man, he had no name or fortune and had to claw his way up the food chain until he became a man of power. He remembers going dirty and hungry and cold, sleeping on the ground, awaking to a muscles that ached from cold and a growling stomach that couldn't be sated. Charisma was another skill he learned along the way to survive. Just as necessary to gain power and fortune as being able to fight, red in tooth and claw, was the ability to mingle, to befriend, to charm to amuse. He had to make himself useful in all ways to his betters until he outstripped them all.

With you, he finds that he doesn't need to act at all and that it's all natural and second nature. It makes him swell with pride when he puts a smile on your lips. He realized you were the one when he realized that making you happy made him happier, giving you pleasure made his heart soar. He will also ensure his girl, his family, will never know the feeling going hungry or cold, nor of being shunned and kicked aside. His table will always be bountiful and his arms always warm and loving for his woman. When he smiles for you, when he laughs and entertains, its genuine and it makes him love you more.

Flip was raised outdoors and helping on his family's ranch, breaking horses, branding calves, cutting timber, chopping ice, hauling hay. All the things his size and rambunctious temper were good for.

His upbringing made him a die hard western movie fan. Clint Eastwood is his favorite with John Wayne a close runner up and he's watched their entire filmography at least five times over with his dad. He's ensured his girl has seen all of his favorites and plenty of others too. True Grit, The Outlaw Josey Wales, El Dorado, Unforgiven, to name a few.

Westerns are his favorite movie genre. However, he is also quite a bit of an ornery jackass. As such, his favorite genre to watch with you is horror. He loves setting the stage, making sure the house is nice and dim, the temperature a little cool, a fire crackling in the fireplace. The ambience is perfect for a movie night in, and all strategically geared to make you want to get nice and close to him, against his chest and inside his arms. He will tease you mercilessly and goose you during the jumpy parts. Then he will laugh - bray- like the jackass he is. He deals with killers and criminals in real life. Horror movies don't phase him. Some big ungainly bastard with half his vision obscured by a mask, coming at him swinging a chainsaw that's telegraphed a mile away is hardly a challenge. Flip would have fun taking your average slasher out in spectacularly ballsy fashion. Flip loves horror movies and chill. He chills while you get chills.

Mills is tenacious and hard working in all ways. He will go the extra mile and work harder and longer than anyone. Complaints aren't part of his vocabulary and he never shies from any quantity of blood, sweat, and tears it takes to see anything through once he sets his mind to it. He's determined to the point of self destruction and will push himself far past the bounds of comfort and even good sense.

The area in which he's happy to put in the effort and diligence is for his girl. Once he sets his sights on her, nothing will deter him. He will tilt windmills and make every overture, simple and grand, to win her heart. As a lovesick teenager who didn't know a damn thing about girls, this took the shape of embarrassing acts like clumsily strumming a guitar and singing off key below his intended's window at odd hours of the night until angry fathers ran him off. He considered it a badge of honor when one particularly enraged father took a shot at his feet with a .12 gauge.

Thankfully, he has learned a thing or two and now applies his tenacious enthusiasm in better ways. He will cook for you and rub your shoulders until his hands ache. He will bring you flowers and take you out for a picnic that entails a ride in his bush plane out to a mountain lake to spare you the hike. He will carry you to bed when you're tired and hold you all night. He considers it a personal failure when he doesn't make you cum before him, and is dauntless when it comes to making you moan and sigh. He is the ultimate Golden Retriever Boyfriend. He will work every day to make you smile and never let the new wear off.

[pumpkin-spice-whump]

Okay I'm super nervous to post this. This is a snippet of my novel I'm going to be publishing later this year (!!!!) And i want to share a bit here. It is an apocalyptic thriller heavy on captivity whump. This is a flashback to our main character being kidnapped and sold. He just got out of the back of a semi where he suffered heat exhaustion. This is one of the pieces I'm happy with so far, so sorry it's throwing you in in the middle!! But hopefully I'll post a bit more as I get further along editing!!

--

Looking back, Jack realized how close he was to death those first few days. He should’ve been in a hospital on an IV, but you know traffickers. They don’t care all that much about human lives.

Every so often the driver of the truck would wake him up and make him drink water, pee in a bucket. He’d blink behind the stupid duct tape blindfold, fumbling for a sense of direction. Sometimes he could hear people talking and walking beyond the walls and windows of the truck and he knew they were at a truck stop.

Faintly, he remembered seeing posters on the inside of stall doors from a trip he took for basketball last year. About the sign for help. Again, he wished he cared enough about kidnapping to remember any of that.

“Can… can I go to the bathroom?” he asked, hoping for a miracle.

Something thudded. “Bucket’s there kid. I’m not looking.”

Jack had no way to know that was true. It was in the back of his mind every time. “No. I gotta like… go.”

It thudded again. “Yeah. I know. Bucket’s here.”

“I’m not… Not in front of you.”

“That’s up to you. But if you shit your pants then you are definitely riding in the back, so keep that in mind.”

He probably would’ve followed Jack into the stall anyway.

Every time Jack was done, the man would give him pills to knock him out, and then wake him up again.

This time, he shook Jack awake and made him sit up. Jack’s head lolled back for a

moment before he could fully wake up. He was so weak and tired, there was no way he would’ve been able to walk to the bathroom anyway. The duct tape was ripped off and he inhaled a deep breath before the water bottle was pushed to his mouth.

“You gotta piss?” Jack shook his head when the bottle left. “Good.”

Then his hands started to tear away the tape over his eyes.

“What’s going on?” Jack asked, tongue heavy in his mouth. He blinked hard against the bright light and was suddenly filled with hope at the idea that he was being let go. Maybe the man felt guilty and wanted to fix the error of his ways! However, after his eyes adjusted he realized that it wasn’t the afternoon sun in his eyes, but the overhead light in the cab.

“My leg of the trip is over. Keep quiet or I’ll put the tape back on got it?”

Jack nodded, too scared to do anything but follow along as the man led him - half carried him really - out of the truck and on the dark pavement.

They were at a rest stop, an abandoned one by the looks of it. The streetlight was off, the bathroom doors boarded closed. There was a broken swing on the overgrown playground.

There was only one other car in the parking lot. A man leaned against the hood. Tall, with a long face set with lines telling his age. Couldn’t be less than forty, maybe fifty. He was wearing a dirty jacket and jeans, like he’d been working outside all day. A baseball cap covered what looked to be graying hair.

The driver let go of Jack and he fell to his knees without the support. A hiss of pain escaped him as loose gravel dug into his knees.

“Will it do?” the driver asked.

The new man looked Jack over, never moving from his spot leaned against his car. “He will.” He reached into his rolled down window and pulled out a manilla folder, tossing it to the driver.

Jack felt like his skull had been cracked open and ice cold water was poured over his skeleton as he realized what was going on. It was a trade. A deal. A traffik. Is that what it’s called? He was being sold like an animal.

The driver took a peak in the envelope, nodding satisfactorily. “Will you be needing anything else from me?”

“Not at all.”

“Pleasure doing business then.” The driver turned to leave but Jack threw himself at his feet suddenly, wrapping his arms around his legs.

“No!” he cried, desperate to not be taken even further from home.

Even though he’d already been passed through two people and driven who the hell knows where, as soon as he got in that man’s car it was final. No more traveling. He was going home with this guy. How would he call for help then? How would he get away? He was taken and now being sold to -- to who?! Maybe he really will be raped. Or experimented on or cut up and sold for parts or--

“No please!” he begged. “Don’t, please I wanna go home! I wanna go home!”

Hands gripped his waist and he tried like hell to kick out, to fight back. He even tried to bite at him, but only got open air. Jack was just too frail at the moment. There was no way he stood a chance against this strong stranger.

The trunk opened and Jack threw his feet up, attempting to stop himself from getting in, panic enveloping him once again. “No! Don’t make me get in there! I won’t be able to breathe!”

His knees were kicked in and he fell right in, arms bound uselessly.

“Feel free to scream as much as you like,” the new man said as he slammed the door shut.

Jack did. He screamed and kicked so much that he did run out of air and passed out. When he woke, the trunk was open again, cool night air filling his lungs and making him cough.

The man threw a bag over his head before roughly taking him by the arm and dragging him out of the trunk. He ignored all of Jack’s tearfilled demands to be let go immediately.

“Some stairs now. I recommend you tread lightly if you don’t want to be thrown down.”

He did, taking shallow breaths like he would be able to hear the stairs better if he did. The bag was taken off of him after another short walk at the bottom, once he was pushed to his knees.

“You can call me Mr. Reeder,” the man said, smiling down at him. “And this is your new home.”

--

That first night was one of the hardest. Jack had to try to go to sleep himself for the first time, with no drugs or panic to aid him. The only thing he knew to compare what he was feeling to was when he went to summer camp when he was 10. First time away from his mom, like really away. He couldn’t call her when he wanted to leave, couldn’t hear her voice. It’s all encompassing, realizing that you are isolated. That you are alone in a way you never have been before.

But even at summer camp Jack knew that he was going to go home in a week. This? There’s no end to this. Jack might… die here. Alone in the basement without seeing his mom ever again…

He buried his face in his pillow and screamed and screamed. When he was too exhausted to keep going, he curled on his side and imagined he was in his mom’s bed with her by his side.

[vhenadahls]

My best friend is gone.

On July 28th, just before 6pm eastern time, my best friend in the whole world passed away.

She'd been dealing with aggressive, metastatic breast cancer for nearly three years. She hated the "warrior" narrative of cancer because she had no choice - she never would've been that battlefield if there was any justice in the world. People like to say that breast cancer is "the good cancer," and it makes me want to tear my hair out every single time. There's no such thing.

Sara/@dearophelia was one of the best, wittiest, kindest, most incredible people I've ever been lucky enough to meet. We'd been friends for so long that neither of us could ever remember how we met - it almost certainly had to do with Stargate, or Sanctuary, or general Amanda Tapping fangirling, but there was absolutely no way we were going to be able to pinpoint how or when we first met.

We had a habit of trading hyperfixations. I played Dragon Age because of her. She played D&D because of me. I watched Miss Fisher because of her. And so on and so forth.

When I was in Scotland, she was one of the touchpoints back home that got me through. I have a very sharp memory of walking through a dark, nighttime park on my way home from classes after a fight with someone else and Sara telling me that we all have the capacity for cruelty, and it's choosing not to be cruel that is the most important thing. She was trying so hard to be kind, to be the kind of person that others could rely on and look up to, and she succeeded in every way.

She was an incredible storyteller. She had whole worlds in her head that were just as important to me as published fiction, characters I loved so deeply I wrote my own stories about them and gave them to her to show her how much I cared. And she incorporated some of those stories into her own canon.

She loved music, and introduced me to some of the music that I most love. We got to go to a Taylor Swift concert together, pre-pandemic, and we shout-sang and danced in the aisle and gave each other earplugs and laughed for ages about the traffic cop who had no idea how to tell us where to go and talked for ages to make sure she'd stay awake on the drive home.

We talked every single day. For years. We cried, we laughed, we complained, we teased, we pushed each other to be the best we could be, just like best friends should.

And now, instead, every day I'm saying Kaddish for her.

Because she's gone.

And I don't know what to do with that.

May her memory be for a blessing, now and forever.

Please read her stories and listen to her playlists, and keep her memory alive with me.

[one-winged-dreams]

Lonely

ship: adri cisneros x leonard walker source: original content word count: 1761 cw: subtle mentions of alcoholism

Okay, I'm publishing the fic. OTL

Leon's the poorly adjusted 46 year old man I was talking about. I fleshed him out and then accidentally made him really hot.

Deadbeat DILF with disorders (PDD, OCD, PTSD).

I'll talk more about him if the ship sticks, I'm thinking about like a dozen other OC f/os right now.

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @adoredbyalatus @kylilah @dorothys-wife @the-sleeping-city

@goldenworldsabound @dear-gambler @mahitosoulmate

@faerie-circle-ships @heatobrienswife @tireddovahkiin

It feels like this sense of unease has been hanging over Leon for the past two weeks. Coincidentally, it’s been two weeks since a guy only a few years older than his own son took up residence in his spare room.

Leon doesn’t like people. 

He’s never been a people person, he’s never been good at socializing, and he’s the furthest thing from cordial when it comes to having guests. He doesn’t consider himself a shitty person, but he can’t argue that he’s standoffish and mildly misanthropic. 

And right now; horrendously sober. 

He feels the OCD thought spiral kicking in, he needs a fucking walk and some air before it turns into a smoke and a drink or three. 

But something’s different, he knows his house and the way sound travels inside it. Someone’s awake right now, milling about the living room. 

‘Someone,’ he thinks, as if there’s not only two goddamn human beings in this house. 

A brief reprisal of the events of two weeks ago enters his thoughts and now he DOES feel like a shitty person. God he’s lonely, it’s been so long since he’s had a warm body in his bed, or anywhere else for that matter. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want him, the kid’s 30 and can make his own decisions. The situation had been innocent enough, it’s the way that it had started to skew towards something Leon isn’t sure either of them are ready for that made him shut it down. 

Adri had seemed disappointed, and that was part of the reason Leon knew he’d made the right choice. He had said it himself, no one had ever been nice to him in that way before. Leon wasn’t about to let Adri attach himself to him solely because he was nice to him. The fear of taking advantage of someone’s delicate mental state is what’s been suffocating him for the past 14 days, now that he really takes a good gander at it. 

That and being sick with want, like a lonely dog pining for affection. 

He’s not any different, now that he thinks about that too. They’re just two lonely men in separate circumstances. Adri’s never been shown affection, and Leon self-sabotages every relationship he’s ever been in. 

It’s hard to breathe now, he needs to go check the ice maker. 

Coincidentally, this takes him through the living room.

And Adri’s there.

He makes no indication that he heard Leon leave his room, bleary eyes cast towards whatever plays on TV at 2 am, hugging his knees to his chest.

Leon feels awkward, all things considered, he’s nervous about startling the guy. He’s not good at considering other people’s feelings, he’s more of an ‘apologize about stepping on toes he didn’t check for’ kind of guy. 

“Hey…” he softly announces himself, gently making his presence known in the most benign way that he can.

Adri turns to look at him, his expression a weary and feeble attempt at a smile of reassurance.

“Hi…”

The only sound is the droning of the infomercial, God, Leon can’t stand those things. 

“Can’t sleep huh?” he plunges himself into the awkward silence in a nobly sacrificial manner. 

Adri just shakes his head, hugging his knees a bit more and resting his chin on them.

The ice maker is completely forgotten, Leon’s fixation is now the small, delicate thing on the couch. Nothing else exists as he takes a seat, selfishly cutting out enough distance as he can get away with to feel any small amount of body heat. 

He hates himself for how pleased the motion of Adri closing the distance makes him. 

“Nightmares?” he asks in no particular tone. 

Adri’s head makes its way to rest against his chest and he wastes no time in wrapping his arm around his shoulders to pull him closer. He feels Adri practically melt, and it makes him so giddy he wants to vomit. 

“Mhm…” 

He barely catches Adri’s response, touch starved as he is, he’s surprised he hadn’t just straight up-

“Not to keep repeating myself, but if you need anything, don’t keep it to yourself. ‘M not a mind-reader,” he says, the words not matching the tone. Truthfully, conjuring that sort of softness so naturally on the first try shocks him a little bit. 

Adri doesn’t respond, at least not verbally. He snuggles up a bit closer, and Leon likens it to a small animal cuddling up to something that would usually waste no time eating it alive. 

“I liked it when you held me like this that first time…” 

Hell.

Leon’s hand moves over Adri’s shoulder and down his arm.

“Do you… want that again?”

“Which part?”

HELL.

“When I held you,” Leon emphasizes. but god he wants to open himself up to much more than that. “Do you want to be held again? Like this?”

As if to emphasize further, he awkwardly pulls Adri closer, holding him tight against his own body. 

Adri shivers lightly, telling Leon he hit the mark.

“You feel warm…” is his answer to Leon’s question.

Leon feels himself spiraling again, so he says what he’s thinking.

“Can I ask you something?”

The nod throws him off and he has to take a second to think about how to ask this.

“Are you this clingy because you miss being loved?”

The question comes out in a more abrasive manner than he’d meant to word it, and Adri’s eyes open, throwing him into a momentary internal panic.

“I don’t think… I’ve ever been loved enough to miss it,” Adri answers after a tense few seconds.

Leon sighs and rests his head against the back of the couch.

“Yeah… That’s what I was worried about..”

There are another few beats of silence that tell Leon Adri’s trying to say something.

“I’m-”

“Don’t,” he interrupts. “This is fine. This,” he gestures with his free arm, “this is fine. We can just sit like this for now.”

The silence returns for a while, thankfully louder than the droning of an infomercial Leon’s seen so many times that he’s got a personal vendetta against the product itself. 

“You smell nice…” Adri’s voice barely carries above that silence.

“You said that the first night too,” Leon snorts. “High off your ass on those sleep pills.”

Adri’s face tints a slight pink but his eyelids flutter closed slightly. 

“Is it cologne or aftershave?” he murmurs the question. “You don’t shave your face much, but the smell…” His nose runs up from Leon’s chest to his neck in emphasis. “Do you shave here…?”

It takes a moment for Leon to learn how to breathe again, a vacancy in the air where his response should have gone.

“... Aftershave,” he finally mumbles. 

Leon’s not sure why, but Adri nods before he buries his face into the crook of his neck. 

“It’s nice…” he whispers.

Leon suddenly feels like he’s doing something he shouldn’t. Like he’s reinforcing some bad habit, especially with how touch-starved they both are. 

He has no doubt in his mind he’s the first person to hold Adri like this, to show him this amount of affection. It’s a laughable thought, a selfish old prick like him showing this kicked stray of a human being more love than he’s ever known. Life likes to throw him sick jokes from time to time, but never something quite like this.

Guilt begins to gnaw at him, and he wonders if he actually cares or if he’s just as lonely as this poor bastard halfway in his lap. 

“Do you wanna come lay down…?” His lips brush against those pretty black locks before he even knows what he’s saying. 

“Your bed?” Adri’s tone betrays the beat his heart almost definitely skipped.

“Yeah. My bed,” Leon affirms, but his tone is implicative of this not escalating beyond anything more than what it is right now.

And Adri’s fine with that, at least he seems it.

The walk to Leon’s bedroom is uneventful, Adri’s at least seen inside from the times he’s woken Leon up for breakfast. Which is to say, every morning.

It’s only imaginable how many times he’s daydreamed just crawling into bed with Leon instead. Or maybe Leon’s just delusional. Wistful thinking and all that.

Though his suspicions are partially confirmed by how quickly Adri melts into his arms as soon as the blankets are pulled up. 

Once again, Leon is filled with overwhelmingly shameful giddiness. He wasn’t exaggerating to himself, he’d completely forgotten what it had felt like to share a bed with someone. 

Without even realizing it, he’s placing a soft kiss across the top of Adri’s head.

He’s not even remotely aware of what he’s doing until Adri asks him, “Why do you do that?”

He freezes.

“Do what?” he practically grumbles, his lips remaining against Adri’s hair.

“You kissed my forehead like that that first night too…” Adri seems almost embarrassed to ask.

Cute…

“It’s just something I do. Shows someone I care about them, I guess…” 

“Does that mean you care about me?”

“I…”

He has to think about how to navigate this question. 

“I’m kind of just… taking care of you I guess,” he eventually mumbles in an attempted noncommittal fashion. “You were lonely and you needed something. That’s why I’m here with you. In bed.”

“I see…” Adri responds, and his eyes close.

“Sorry if that’s not the answer you wanted to hear. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you, I just. I dunno what else I can say…”

“No no, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I don’t… mean to get like THAT.”

It’s quiet for another moment and then Adri sighs.

"I just feel kind of stupid..." he mumbles. "I must look really pathetic, throwing myself at an older man just because he's nice to me..."

“You’re not stupid,” Leon sighs, and his words are tinted by something akin to exasperation.

He’s not good at this.

“You’re not pathetic, okay? You’ve just gone through a lot so it’s not stupid to… Well… You know… Seek out a little love.” 

He pauses again, finding himself pulling Adri a little closer.

“…If I’m honest, I’m lonely, too.”

Adri’s initial response is a sigh, and he clenches his eyes tightly shut while burying his face in the comfort of Leon’s chest.

“God I want to fix that…” he whispers.

This time Leon sighs.

“I’ll hold you tonight, alright? That’ll… That’ll help us both.”

So they settle into a comfortably awkward silence, and in the morning they’ll try to find out what their fucking problem is over breakfast.